11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
