so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
