I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
