So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
