Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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