I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
