So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
