just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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