She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize