8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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