PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
