Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
