So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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