Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize