Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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