Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
