I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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