a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
