just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
