John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
