puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize