I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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