Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
