med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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