life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
