He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize