I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
