Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
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