Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
