Who wears a wallet chain?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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