you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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