i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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