he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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