im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
