i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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