I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
