I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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