He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You have to summon your inner elephant
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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