Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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