someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
