I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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