Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
