you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
