You smell like a Billy Joel song
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
