Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
