I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize