my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
