Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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