i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
