My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize