Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You are the jesus of drinking
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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