wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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