i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
