I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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