Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found puke in my bra..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
