My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
