I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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