Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
