After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
