so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
