probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
