I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
