well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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