Will you blow on my dice?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
