I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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