Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
