walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
