i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
