when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
