My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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