I am in a vortex of obligation.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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