I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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