Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
