my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
