well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
