Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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