I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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