you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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